Coping with a breakup in 5 Steps

Everyone wants to be happy and believe that having a partner will give us the happiness we all seek. All is well as we do, but what happens when this relationship ends?, When will the person in whom we have so many expectations and dreams are going on our side and leaves us, how we face situations like these? how we live life from that time? For most, this is a very difficult and painful, there are many fears, insecurities, disappointments, resentments, and pain may be very deep ...

Why is this?, Why do we feel so much pain? The vast majority believe that because we have lost the person who "makes us happy" or who gives us security, love or company. But what if this is not the real cause of our pain? What if it is in our hands to feel good regardless of whether that person is or is not on our side?

And for that I invite you to follow these 5 steps:

1. Note what are the thoughts that appear in your mind when you feel bad. What that tells you your mind? You might say things like, without he or she not be happy, I'm not good enough / a, is very difficult and sad to be alone / a, I need someone beside me to be happy, someone is gone better than me, others will think of me, I can not find another person, there is something wrong with me so he's gone ...

Note the painful and stressful thoughts are thoughts of which we are not even aware many times. When we think thoughts like these, it is not surprising that we feel as we do ...

2. Issues such painful thoughts and see if they are "true." If you allow yourself to question the veracity of what your mind tells you, you will notice that in fact, what makes you suffer is not the person is gone if you do not think that means, the story you tell yourself. ..

Ask yourself if it is true, if you know that is true with "absolute certainty" (and please respond with a simple yes or no ...) without he or she can be happy, you're not good enough / to because your partner is gone, it is very difficult and sad to be alone, you "need" someone beside you to be happy that someone has been "better" than you, others will think badly of you, you will not find another person, that there is something wrong with you why it's gone ...

When we do not question these thoughts and "believe" that are truly suffering, we had wrong, and when we do not believe these thoughts or not we have these thoughts in our mind we are well ...

3. Just try, try to see how your life would be without those thoughts overwhelm you ... Try to imagine (but can be difficult for you at the beginning) how would your life and your day if you can not have those thoughts in your head, it is likely, then you are at peace, relaxed living in the moment and enjoying it even ...

If this is hard for you, note how it changes your mood and makes you sad or upset when you see any of these thoughts in your mind, and notice how you feel or remember those times when "you forget the issue" and are thinking about other things, or someone calls you on the phone and get distracted, or just for whatever reason you forget for a moment of rupture ...

Can you see how it changes your life and your mood? Can you see how your mood varies depending on the thoughts you have on your mind?

4. Look for evidence of how "the opposite" of what you believe and you suffer can be as true or more ... And this is key because it will help you confirm that what you think and makes you suffer is not true ... If the thought is that "without him or her I can not be happy," otherwise it would be "without he or she may be happy" looking for evidence of this. Here are some examples 1) can not know the future and therefore can not know how you feel later 2) before knowing if that person does not need to be happy or well why do not you be now? 3) thinks that past relationships have ended and how you could be happy again after that ... or instances of close people who have had similar experiences and be happy again after a break ...

Find your own tests. When we allow ourselves to see what "really" affects us and discover that there is the other person but the stories we tell ourselves what we are experiencing, we can see that then we can do something about it, we can work and challenge those thoughts cause us much pain ...

5. And instead of thinking again and again throughout the "negative" you think it means that this person is gone, I invite you to think about all the reasons why your life is even better now because of this experience . And though it may seem difficult to even open to this possibility or ask this question, if you really want to be right, I heartily recommend you to reflect on this.

Note that you may have observed so far, why, if God or the universe (whatever you call it) is "kind and loving", why would have chosen this experience for you?, Why your life, that of those around you and the world "is better" because of this experience?.

Make a list with calm, with an open heart, because this can really help get your welfare. Maybe you can "see" you'll have more time for yourself, you can resume or start doing things you love and you were left out, which may not have had discussions, read the books I wanted to read, watch shows You like that, give time and attention that you were most likely not give, get back into first place ...

And how it could be better the lives of others through this? Because your family and friends can enjoy more of your company now, because you have more time for others ...

And how the world will be better for this? You may need more time to be of service to others, or you can devote more time to develop your creativity and help it to others. These are just some examples, you are looking for reasons that are valid for you, simple as they seem, the gift date.

Because when we see that what seems so terrible and negative, it is not, then we can receive it with acceptance and even enthusiasm, curiosity and even, and we can see that our life continues and that our life without a partner can be as good as we allow ...

The more we cling to something that is not more suffering ... We can not control how other people act but how we feel about it ... In the words of Marcus Aurelius, philosopher and Roman emperor "If you grieve by some external cause, is not she what you obtrusive, but the trial you make of it. And delete this opinion, it is up. "

The reality is that at this moment that person is no longer at your side and you can live in two ways: with suffering, pain and resentment, or you can accept and "love" this new stage of your life, make the best of it, enjoy your company and appreciate the gifts that this new experience brings you, what do you choose?